Favorite Songs Lately (& Sex Appeal Because Why Not)

A penny for your thoughts

I’m only human, after alllll! Look, one day I will have amazing time management skills, and write these in the early hours of the day, preferably watching the sunrise, with a cup of coffee nearby (I’d say a cup of coffee on my hand, but it would be sort of hard to write with one on my hand all the time. It’s doable for sure, but a challenge. Plus, what hand would I be using to hold the mug? Would saying a cup of coffee on my hand imply I had to burn my hand as I held it, unable to put it down because I’d already envisioned this ideal self with impeccable time management skills and she had a cup of coffee in her hand and it was too late now anyway? Definitely doable, but I’m just saying.) After just having completed a kickass meditation session too. I know what you’re thinking, all those books she’s read, all those words she’s written, kickass was the best she could do to describe a good meditation session?

You know what they say at Facebook HQ: Done is better than perfect.

Continuing the things no fucking one can ever take from you theme..

I touched a bit here on how music has been affecting me lately, making every moment more magical in strange, intimate ways. And this time no cognitive laziness either, magical was just the word I was looking for.

Here are some of my recently favorited songs on my Deezer

  • Make the song so sweet 

You gon’ come home with me, oh

 

  • Pitch black frames, you can see me when I wear my lenses
    And all they say is how I’m fake and I don’t get offended

  • I’ve never wanted wealth untold, my life has one design

A simple little band of gold, to prove that you are mine

Very fond of this, found in a Mad Men playlist during an important, lovely period

 

  • And do you still think love is a Laserquest, or do you take it all more seriously

And do you look into the mirror to remind yourself you’re there/ or have somebody’s good-night kisses got that covered

 

  • Quiere que lo hagamos en diferentes partes, pero estoy cansada de desilusiones
    No quiero saber de un rompecorazones

 

I love this song so much I’ve listened to it at least 2 times, a day every day for the past 2 weeks, I love OUUUUU too (didn’t feel like googling how many U-s it actually has, pardon). I want to close with a question tho. I understand that everyone has different preferences and everyone’s entitled to their own opinions, especially regarding what we consider attractive. I’m not saying Young M.A isn’t attractive (or that he is), but all of you who have been saying he has most sex appeal than all these rappers/dudes, ARE YOU OKAY?

UPDATE 2 SECONDS LATER: YOUNG M.A IS A WOMAN?!?!?!? I feel bad for assuming. A GAY woman too, who wrote and directed a short film for Pornhub? New York’s youngest, most charismatic rapper? What a plot twist!

Update 2: I kinda see it now. Definitely just being a woman makes you 100x more attractive (to me at least). I’ll check the IG again.

Final update: Hot the way Michael Phelps was hot, ONLY when he was in the pool and had just won a race (he had 0 sex appeal don’t get me wrong)- when she raps, she’s hot AF, otherwise… As for the sex appeal thing, yeah, it’s a yes from me.

I also really like this song and this song, But I’ll always take my time with youuuuuuuuuuuuuuhuhuhu. May God take the time with me and forgive me for assuming Young M.A’s gender, not noticing all that BDE couldn’t be coming from a man, STILL (and probably forever) thinking BDE  is the most reliable metric ever, and for all those times I didn’t speak up for my cause against people who feel morally superior to others because of the songs they listen to. Thanks!

 

I Don’t Care That He Died

A penny for your thoughts, Feminism

I’ll go ahead and say it: I don’t care that XXXtenacion died. I don’t care that you broke your elbow. I don’t care about him enough to know his art name correctly, or to bother to google it. I care about the numerous people he abused and tried to violently kill, even though I don’t know who they are and I’ll probably never meet them in person. I care about them enough, as I do for all the survivors in my life, to not hear his music or support him. In such a materialistic, uncertain world, something is certain: what we choose to give our money to, matters. You might be just a dollar sign to those companies, but every dollar sign matters.

Jessica Felicio photo

Do This to Increase Your Life Expectancy

A penny for your thoughts

It’s so easy to get caught up in our everyday lives and forget about others, our hobbies/interests, and anything unrelated to school, or work, or our daily routine we’ve set for ourselves.

A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing grows there.

Especially real, healthy, nourishing relationships. When I was younger, I used to think relationships (not limited to romantic ones obvi) just happened. You hung out with a person a few times, had similar ideas, had fun and that was it.

But, relationships are hard work. Everyone’s trying to make sense out of it all, and you can fall out without even realizing. It’s no one’s fault, it’s just life.

Here’s what I (try to) do:

  • let them know when I’m thinking of them- a song, a photo, a lot of things remind me of my loved ones and I like letting them know about it
  • reach out often- you never know what someone might be going through until you talk to them. I try to reach out and do so often (without risking my own mental wellbeing)
  • Have them know I’ll be there for them when they need me, even though I’m not there all the time
  • Keep at it- consistency is the key word in all kinds of ventures you’ve taken on, relationships included

Research shows social connection, is a leading factor in the promotion of health, well-being, and longevity. The 30-year study considers a poor social life as dangerous as smoking, obesity, and excessive alcohol consumption.

On this day, I got to spend a few hours with family and almost-family. We shared stories from our past, some dating back decades ago. One of the women who is born in the same date as me is one of the funniest people I know (I know what you’re thinking, it runs in the date apparently), and she cracked me up.

Who knew that besides having a great time, I was also increasing my lifespan expectancy.

(Don’t) Push It to the Limit

A penny for your thoughts

Sometimes, I think my dad is allergic to self-care.

A team of 12 doctors can tell him (and have) that he needs to rest, and he still can’t get himself to just relax, rest, replenish. Band-aid solutions till the next time he burns out, hypnotized by that feeling of accomplishment and the adrenaline rush of more.

Always more.

Years ago, I saw a photo of a neon sign, the outline of a heart shape, inscribed the words Never Enough. Never Enough. It stuck me with me.

It’s up for interpretation, but I never considered it as not being enough or not feeling enough. Instead, that hazy, joyous, delightful hunger for life.

Never enough. Using music and writing and art in all its forms, to emphasize whatever feeling I’m feeling. Productive, sad, in love, restless, frustrated, too much… Whatever it is.

Pushing it to the limit only means making room for overcoming those limitations, creating new rules, making better mistakes.

Photo by Abele Gigante on Unsplash

Simple Not Easy

A penny for your thoughts

A minimalist writing zone, where you can block out all distractions and get to what’s important. The writing!

To get started, all you need to do is delete this text (seriously, just highlight it and hit delete), and fill the page with your own fantastic words. You can even change the title!

——————————————————-

Hello world, meet my favorite online writing space. Anything simplistic makes me feel SO satisfied. It’s one of those feelings you can’t explain to people who aren’t familiar with it already. I love when things and stories and people and situations are simple. I don’t mean easy, I actually have some unresolved internal conflict surrounding the concept of easiness. Plausibly driven by that quote:

Nothing worth having comes easy.

Or to be correct, my takeaway from it, nothing easy is worth having. Which is obviously not always the case. I mean, my coffee maker is pretty easy to use, and its product is worth having, several times a day. I got that coffee maker from my best friend, and having a good time with her is easy, and so worth it.

As I was saying, I like simple things, finding patterns, being able to make some sense out of what’s happening. As Nirvava was singing saying,

♪ Come as you are ♪

Fortunately, my psychology background has fulfilled my needs regarding learning why people act/think the way they do.

It’s also given me one of the most valuable lessons: we are all extremely similar, in that we are all very unique. Human thinking is so incredibly varied, that frequently our individuality surpasses mathematical calculations, years of research, and those that want to pin us down to something definite.

Something finite.

More often that I’d like to admit I struggle with dichotomic thinking. I’m admitting it now, so that counts as progress, hopefully. We should allow others to act differently from the figure we’ve created in our minds for them. Allow them to not meet and exceed expectations, on the same day. Allow people to show you themselves, which can’t happen if you’ve already made up your mind about who they are.

Now, what’s new, to relate this to psychology..

I understand, grouping mental health patients into categories such as disorders makes sense. However, I strongly feel we should be using diagnostic manuals and diseases classifications as rough guidelines, not considering them the end-all be-all.

Allowing the easiness and accessibility of a label to cloud our judgment, professionalism, and humanity can create a hostile environment, treatment plans that are at worst harmful, at best not helpful, and patients being misdiagnosed for years. Sometimes by several practitioners, which means they weren’t receiving the help they needed during all that time. That breaks my fucking heart.

The person in front of you is so complex, there’s so much more to them than meets the eye, or DSM, or ICD. Their experiences are way greater than your metric of choice will ever know.

Love,

Simply,

D

Photo by Alexandra on Unsplash

Truth

A penny for your thoughts

You’ll trust people and you won’t question their intentions because they seem pure and fun. You’ll them about everything you’re looking for, what you appreciate and what you hate and they’ll turn themselves into the person you wanted them to be. During all that time, you’ll be thinking it’s who they were in the first place. You will try to be that generous in sharing your self again. In a world of undefined truths and lies, you’ll struggle to recognize which parts were theirs to begin with, and which they stole from you.

You’ll try to remember what was it that you said. as it the tone you said it in, the look you gave when you did? You’ll never remember, there was nothing to remember in the first place. Bad people don’t need a trigger, they will actively seek and find evil anywhere, just as good people passively see beauty and virtue and goodness, in the little thing and in others and in the world. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault. It’s not your fault. Never will be.

“Tell them I was the warmest place you knew and you turned me cold.”

Well, shit, tried to, motherfucker.

Photo by Alexandra on Unsplash

♪ You said you’d die for me! Give to me, give to me! Why won’t you live for me?! ♪

You’ll remember them saying they’d do anything for you, however, when given the chance…

Them saying they’re willing to give you the world, however, unable to give you the only thing you ever wanted and asked for: the truth.

i can nourish myself on nothing but truth – Therese of Lisieux

A woman walking by is telling her friend, age doesn’t necessarily equal maturity. I agree. Maturity doesn’t necessarily just come with age either. If what you’ve built is based on lies, sooner or later, it’ll crumble in front of your eyes.

You’ll remember them asking if you liked how childlike they were. Thinking they were referring to the playfulness, the laughs, finding joy in the little things, living like there’s no tomorrow, that characterize kids, you’ll say yes, of course.

Later, you will find out they were referring to their fantasy reality, and asking if you enjoyed being there with them. A charming paper house the one they built, can’t live inside though.


Huge thank you to Natalie Patterson for being so open and vulnerable in her writing and work, inspiring me and thousands of others to do the same.

"A silhouette of a person on a sunlit tree-lined road" by freddie marriage on Unsplash

Free Flow

A penny for your thoughts, Gratefulness

Feelings of inadequacy and restlessness. I’m now able to sit in silence, a half-smile on my face, acknowledging my emotions and fully be in the moment. Not hope it would be better or less or anything else than exactly what it is. Searching inside for that thing that doesn’t really come naturally, the thing you actually have to search for.

"A silhouette of a person on a sunlit tree-lined road" by freddie marriage on Unsplash

Trying to connect with the higher self that does -more-, emphasis on trying. The Resistance isn’t messing around, it means business. I grab my choker a little too hard, try to come up with a metaphor. I choke on my own words.

The amount and sincerity of the people rooting for me used to make feel all warm inside. It still does, but now the blood rush and higher bpm caused by trying to find the thing they’d need to hear, so they can keep rooting for me, accounts for a considerable portion of that warmth.

There’s no void, but I’m trying to fill one nonetheless. 

I wave at cops*, smile at strangers, walk-dance away from people I don’t like. On my terms, I’m doing much better than most. I’m not doing much, though.

How many hours a day for how many days do I need to fight The Resistance to make it out alive and well? To make it? Make the art not so hard? Make the art? Give my calling a call?


Written some time ago, when everything was pointing me in one direction** and I was trying to go the other way. It shows in my (incredibly cheesy, not good) writing and it showed in my everyday life. Listen to your gut. If you’re looking for a sign…

*Isn’t that the whitest thing you’ve ever heard?

**Imagine a time where hearing/seeing one direction written somewhere doesn’t immediately remind you of 1D. Now, stop imagining cuz that time will never come.

"Woman with long hair covered with a blue blindfold in Scarborough" by Oscar Keys

Surely, There Have to Be Worse Things Than Getting Your Heart Broken into a Thousand Pieces

A penny for your thoughts

 

A variation of that sentence has been on my mind the whole day.

I’m a writer: outside events, and internal turmoil directly affect my art and my work. Everything that happens to me, good or bad or simultaneously good and bad, can be written on a piece of paper or fill a blank screen, then edited ruthlessly enough for me and the editor of that publication to deem it worthy of others’ eyeballs and time.

*As* things are happening to me, I think of a combination of words and sentence structures that will correctly convey what’s happening, what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking, my truth.

When people read something I’ve written about and tell me they’ve felt that way too, that a piece I wrote resonated with them a lot, it just reaffirms my belief that my feelings, situations, knowledge aren’t just mine anymore and I don’t claim full ownership over them.

"Woman with long hair covered with a blue blindfold in Scarborough" by Oscar Keys

“Woman with long hair covered with a blue blindfold in Scarborough” by Oscar Keys

So focused on finding those words that make my truth your own, that I won’t ever be able to fully experience anything again.

That sounds sad, but I’m grateful I get to speak my mind and make others feel something, just as I’m grateful I’ve found so many writers and creators who give *me* The Feelz, whose work has brought so much to my life.

Strangely, knowing we share the same struggles, insecurities, fears, makes us much stronger.

Surely, there have to be worse things than getting your heart broken into a thousand pieces.

There’s famine, war, disease. There are people that don’t have a place to stay at night, live through the hard times another day. Some people abuse and rape and kill others. Babies are born dead. There’s so much injustice that it breaks your heart on a daily basis. A friend of mine’s father passed away. Some days later, his partner was diagnosed with cancer.

“The essence of anything is shaped by the feeling it evokes.”

Damn these walls.

I think, surely, logically, irrevocably, unquestionably, there have to be worse things than getting your heart broken. In a thousand pieces. Again.

Yet, at least now, I can’t come up with a satisfying answer as to what.

Yesterday it rained and rained; today, sunshine and clear skies.

Yes, still comparing weather conditions to my heart.

Still reminiscing over one of my hard-learned, all-time favorite lessons: knowing even though it’s not all fine now, all will be fine soon.

 

I taste my coffee, it’s strong and smooth.

Like our hearts.

Like us.

 

 

 

Disclaimer: This was written some time ago, my heart’s no longer broken. 

2 Things I Need to Keep in Mind as a Writer

A penny for your thoughts

When I said I talk myself out of it, I meant it. Here’s the thing. I’ve been meaning to start doing this, theoretically, since years ago, realistically, since last week. These past few weeks I’ve come across some amazing writing/work/people, but unfortunately, as Benjamin P. Hardy put it:

For most people, learning has become an escape from doing. Filling your head with useless information is the opposite of hard-won wisdom and understanding, which can only happen via the application of knowledge and re-application based on experience in the real world.

I’m one of those people.

Sometimes you get lucky and end up at that part of the internet, the one filled with wisdom, authenticity, amazing studies and amazing people, so pure, so raw, so genuine that it fills you up with joy and hope. Wrapped up in others’ brilliance, you forget. At least I do.

Elephants don’t forget, but we do. Photo by Simson Petrol.

The brilliance I stumbled upon isn’t mine to claim. 

No matter how amazing the art is, how good the podcast is, how that piece of writing gives you goosebumps every 100 words, how that song has been on repeat for days (and probably will be for weeks), how that guided meditation made you sob (does every time), how that movie spoke *directly* to you and validated your experiences and feelings in a way you hadn’t known was possible before… it’s not yours. You can (and should) feel joy and maybe even pride over others’ art, but you shouldn’t use it as a substitute for your own creations.

Now the other thing… Cal Newport says on his (great) book Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World:

This provides another general observation for joining the ranks of winners in our economy: If you don’t produce, you won’t thrive — no matter how skilled or talented you are.

I usually read on my Kindle, and highlight my favorite passages there, but I’ve written that one down. I need to get it tattooed on my forehead as well.

If you don’t produce, you won’t thrive.

Why I find it SO hard to grasp that concept, is beyond me. I think it’s because when you don’t absolutely HAVE TO, as is the case with me and writing for myself/the world and not clients, you can just say I’ll do it later/tomorrow/on the weekend/on my next lifetime.

So,

  1. Create your own art.
  2. Create your art.

January

A penny for your thoughts
readings//
  • Hunger – Roxane Gay

Never has a book more beautifully, heartbreakingly, intertwined violence, sexual abuse, obesity and being a black woman than Roxane’s Hunger.

I read about women’s participation in politics and decision making, abortion laws, women’s health and rights. I read on schema formulation, modifying (unhealthy) rules and assumptions, reactions to trauma and grounding techniques- which brings me to…

learnings//

I got a pro account on my favorite site that’s the leading online resource for therapists, and the guy who runs it gave it to me for free for some work I’ve done for them, hashtag blessed.

writings//

I prepared for my talk. I also wrote about feeling better with less, self-reflection, joy, what I actually do, how to pull yourself out of a funk, time, Sri Lanka, reincarnation, and tennis.

food//

I made a resolution to make (alas, try making) something new each week

movies//

Inside Out, The Jerk, Clueless, Do Over, Lion King, Invisible Man, Bad Moms 2, A Million Ways to Die in the West, Battle of the Sexes, and Silence of the Lambs. I have so many opinions and most of them are bad.

novelties//

I broke a New Year’s resolution as early as on the 8th. I finally started planning- my days, weeks, months. I’ve been meaning to for a while and I’m so glad I finally did- I can see my progress, what I need to improve, what I’ve already improved and feel proud of myself and get even more done. Highly recommend. I finally got back into film photography, but haven’t been able to shoot as much as I’d like. Went to the beach, to the lake, to the mountain. My family and I got drunk on my mum’s birthday, we laughed so hard, I’ll cherish those moments for a long time.