I rushed to the balcony, the closest place to the sky and said out loud “God fucking bless”. First of all, I’m not even religious. You know what they say,
No one laughs at God when their airplane starts to uncontrollably shake.
I see God in beauty, in the faces of the people I love, in this range of feelings I am grateful enough to feel and witness and be part of and feel one with. I see it in the tens of unlikely chances I have been given by strangers, friends, lovers. I see God in moments where I find myself uncontrollably smiling about too-good-to-be-true-but-actually-true things that have happened to me.
I felt it this particular day when I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and started crying in awe at this song, which I decided in a matter of moments was now my favorite song of all times. A string of sounds made me cry and in that, I see my God.
My God is nature, but not limited to landscapes and weather. My God is art and in my art and other people’s art, I find and refind God. In books, for which I would happily sacrifice days of my life for if asked to do so. There’s no sacrifice and there’s no compromise with my God because the days I’d sacrifice and this piece of art and God and me are one. There’s no ultimate separation. I see God whenever the sky turns into a color I can’t fathom, I can’t name, I can’t fully comprehend or hope to comprehend.
I see it in recovery, from eating disorders and mental health disorders, from toxic people and relationships and feelings and substances, from fear of the past and the present and the future. Recovery for me is a second chance and in the endless second chances and twelve thousand second chances I’ve been given, to recover and keep living- and so I did- and in that, I find my God.
I find God in truth and in work and in authenticity and in vulnerability and in little and not so little synchronicities. I find God in pennies I find on the ground and in the way that immediately puts a smile on my face. I see God in the people I could’ve easily never met if the circumstances wouldn’t so magically allow for me to do so. I see my God whenever my friends are flourishing. I thank this God for their existence, and selfishly, that our existences are intertwined.
I find God in dancefloors and kisses and flowers and smiles. In knowing that I can find answers to so many questions and I can quench my thirst for the unknown just by typing a few words into a device who is never selfish with its knowledge. I find God in photographs that can so vividly bring me back in time and make me relive experiences which would’ve otherwise slowly started fading from my mind. I find it in movement and in ocean water and in sex and in the way two people who love each other can create another human being.
I find God in conversations so satisfying they feel like accomplishments and in accomplishments themselves. In how lucky I’ve been in so many cases that now I almost expect good things to come my way on a daily basis. They so often do. In humanity’s neverending quest to do better, love better, work better, be better- and despite what you believe in or whatever/whoever your God is, as long as it’s helping you better yourself (and hopefully others), isn’t that what matters?! 🙂
“Life is fleeting. Ideas, inspiration, and love endure.”
In that truth, I see my God. I truly like what I see.