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Ghosts of Writers Past: What Do I Actually Do– Part 1

Ghosts of Writers Past tandem x visuals woman in white dress

As a celebration for my 100 articles milestone, I’m sharing a 3-part series on writing, client opportunities, what I do, and making money as a writer. I’m sharing two pieces from the past, one written at the beginning of 2018 when I was freelance writing “full-time” and one a bit later when a major breakthrough was about to happen. I had to include my “Ghosts of Writers Past” to give a clearer view of my journey, doubts, and reflections.

Ghosts of Writers Past 1

The meditation platform I use, Insight Timer, is offering a free meditation course, Abundance through Gratitude. For ten days, the teacher would teach us to look for the positive in different aspects of our lives: our bodies, relationships, finances, and today, we would be focusing on our jobs.

The teacher told us (me and other “students” who were taking the course) to focus on one aspect of our job that we like, and if unemployed, to focus on an aspect we would like our future job to have.

“What we focus on, expands. Focusing on the positive aspects of our daily lives means we invite in more goodness.”

I write. It’s what I do every day. With what I’ve read and seen and learned, that makes me a writer.

We ended up having to choose two aspects instead of one. I picked the liberty of doing it from wherever, not needing to occupy a specific physical space. Aspect number 2, how creative I can get with it.

I’ve been writing since I learned how to. I take pride in being outspoken and standing up for what I believe in. So, I’m grateful I get a chance to do that with my work.

But what even am I? Do I have a job or not?

At the moment, I’ve been working on two projects that will hopefully turn into recurring, stable work. Otherwise, I work freelance, meaning I have to “hunt” (I hate that word) down writing opportunities, pitch plenty, email back and forth (until one of us dies), submit, submit, submit, enter contests, etc.

In the meantime, I’m trying to work on my site, which is, unfortunately, but obviously, the first to suffer when I get additional work. The site is a goal because I’d like to work with my own set of preferred clients, on my own terms. I want to write about issues I’m invested in, more knowledgeable in. I’d also like more proof of my work. That isn’t the case when you write for others and you don’t get to see where the piece ends up.

*insert clip of me at the edge of a cliff, yelling into the void, asking my lost writing where it is and whether it’s happy, but all I hear is my echo and someone telling me to shut uppp*

At the moment, I’m not working on something specific (no $), but in a few minutes, I might get an email, and there might be a YES, aka a gig in there ($$$).

Where do I qualify, meditation teacher?

I’m privileged to have this conversation without worrying I won’t have a roof over my head next week if I don’t find new work soon.

It’s okay. I am pretty confident new opportunities will arise, that I will seize them and then live happily ever after… until I finish the freelance gig and start freaking out again all over.

At the moment, my heart can take it all. The adrenaline, the YES-es, the NO-s, the interviews, GSD, this comment I got:

The Rotunda is upon Walnut, not Chestnut, up coming in direction of the Bridge video clip theater.

or this one:

It’s obvious that this man is not right in the head, and this is before we introduced Ellen Page or this one Even Mendes is a bit old now but she is still smokin hot and i wanna marry her,

My heart can take adrenaline and interviews and weird comments, all the lovely people telling me they love my writing, getting visitors to my site from a German satire page and thinking they were making fun of me over there. I don’t know why I said it like it wasn’t the case. Still haven’t reached out to them, I’m kinda scared.

I knew what I signed up for, I knew it wouldn’t be easy. Deep, deep, deep down in my heart, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Ghosts of Writers Past 2

Your mind urging you to, your bruised legs rushing to get there. On-demand. That’s how I write.

I get the calling, and I have to.

Once there’s a piece of paper or laptop in front of me, I’m at peace.

He asked if I’d turn back time if I could. “No.”

I said no because I believe I wouldn’t be where I am and who I am if it wasn’t for what went wrong and what I learned from it.

There is so much I wish I’d done differently, though, if I had known then what I know now.

I wish I’d started earlier. Way earlier.
I wish I’d spoken up more: against injustice, BS, people deliberately wasting my time.
Wish I hadn’t used my psychology background to justify people’s shitty behavior.
I wish I’d kept my promise to myself to only give people one to two chances to screw up.
I wish I’d told ultimate truths only, at all times.

But I said no because nothing keeps me up at night. Nothing related to the past, at least. Fuck it, I have no regrets.

Nothing related to the past, but I feared the future, not being enough, or not being the writer I thought I was. Hello, impostor syndrome. Next piece is about a highly requested question: how and why I make money as a writer.

If you liked this, you might want t check out my 5-part series on education and careers
First – My Uncomplicated Relationship With Education
Second – Choosing a Major, the Pros and Cons, Usages, Realizations, and Regret?
Third – A Trip Back in Time, Stats, Action Bias: How to Find the Perfect Job for You
Fourth – What I Wish I’d Known & Three Ways to Make a Difference, Wherever You Work
Fifth – A Conscious Career: Doing Your Job vs. Going the Extra Mile

2 thoughts on “Ghosts of Writers Past: What Do I Actually Do– Part 1”

  1. I enjoy absorbing your words of wisdom and the way you tell your story. Your presentation shines a spot light on your personality that ultimately only you can do. So keep being you. That should be your primary purpose in life! Thanks!

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