Journal on a bus love by Ilya Ilyukhin

“Don’t take it personally.” Maybe someone hexed me, but last time I took something personally (from people I don’t know that well) was 12 years ago. Whoever hexed me, thank you. Or is it you, FBI man, who allowed me to see clearly by what you chose to show me and what you didn’t? Do I have you to thank? My voodoo doll being treated way too well by whoever controls her?

Okay, maybe it’s not a double-digit number since, but definitely a long time since I gave a fuck about someone being snarky or petty. The more I grow, the more I see such displays as cries for help. Sometimes I get involved, sometimes I steer clear. Hurt people hurt people, and I no longer consider myself selfish for putting myself first. I don’t even consider selfish a bad word, fight me. As my newest obsession Young M.A said, I’m selfish, no question.

What else, what else?

To All The People I’ve Loved Until I Got Off The Bus

I don’t usually take the bus that often because I absolutely love walking, but when I do it’s guaranteed I’ll fall in love with someone during the ride. I create all these scenarios in my head, what they’re like, what they’re going to do once they get home, what makes them smile, their favorite movie, how we’d have such a great time together. Then, I never think of them again. Ah, the joys of platonic love. Now that I think about it, I fall in love when I’m walking too. All the time, I’m falling in and out of love.

I wasn’t trying to create a correlation, but maybe that’s why I can afford the luxury to not take things personally. I know there’s always more just around the corner: people, possibilities, smiles, love. No one’s that irreplaceable, that important as to constantly ruin your mood/day because *they* are in pain and lashing out wherever they get the chance.

I’ll close with two quotes I found recently, that I love. They’re from Naval Ravikant, AngelList founder, spiritual mentor to thousands and overall extremely inspiring figure.

The older the problem, the older the solution. 

A fit body, a calm mind, a house full of love. These things cannot be bought- they must be earned.”

Thanks for reading, D.




Leave a Reply