The last time I published something unrelated to work on here was August 2023. I don’t think I’ve written much about my move (Albania → Austria), my civil status change (single → married) and my wedding, moving houses (small apartment in the 9th district in Vienna → bigger apartment in the 9th district in Vienna), my employment status (employee → business owner), or my prefix change (20s → 30s). Tread lightly.
I’ve started a German course. In less than 3 sessions, one of my nightmares came true. The professor asked me to give them geographical directions… in German. When someone tells me, “You can’t miss it,” that sounds like a challenge to me. I got lost in the city where I had lived for 20 years. I’ll get lost anywhere.
While I’m not good with directions, I’m pretty determined.
Earlier this year, I was in New York, alone, on a mission to go from Manhattan to Astoria. “You can’t miss the stop,” my friends who live there told me. Sure, I can, I thought. After circling the block once or twice, a couple, which for no clear reason I can only describe as Italian, stopped me to ask for directions. Surely, my chaos aura seemed New Yorker-ish enough for them to entrust me with the directions to their next stop. Inwardly panicked, but outwardly calm, I asked them to repeat the question. I didn’t have WiFi or mobile data, but I had to help them. Earlier that day, we had visited The High Line, which, for the purposes of this story, I’ll briefly describe as “where the water is.”
“Is the water this way or that way?”
That was probably the only direction I could ever give in New York that day, which was why their question sounded like music to my cold ears.
A few days ago, I was walking home after finishing my German course session. I opened my phone and saw a message from a close friend, asking how things were here and saying that she was in shock.
To help with the business acumen I lack related to my new business, per the recommendation of a few members of a professional network I trust, I’ve been consuming a lot of content from two specific people, Rochelle Moulton and Jonathan Stark. They have a podcast together and I’ve started listening to their episodes, starting from the very first one. At this point, I’ve listened to more than a hundred episodes and recently reached the year 2020. Remember that? Anything noteworthy you recall? I am, of course, talking about the global pandemic COVID-19. Creations, like articles or podcast episodes, have the ability to transport you to a specific point in time. It’s fascinating to hear how they were processing the pandemic, changes they were making (they advised against lowering prices), what they were recommending to clients, and how they described what the future would look like.
When I saw my friend’s message, a few events came to mind. Through the internet and globalization, we now have access to not only our geographical surroundings, but also the entire world. She could be asking how the state of Austria as a geopolitical entity was handling the event and how people in Austria were reacting. Were they shocked too? Were they protesting? Were they silent?
I’ve thought and talked about our role in the world for years, a lot of which I’ve done through this blog that turns 10 this year. What do I think about things? How do I think about them? How do I think of others and the roles we play in each other’s lives? How do I express my core beliefs in writing: people are good, the universe is working in our favor, everything is connected, work and effort never go to waste, focusing on what’s within your control is the best way to shape your life, and that looking internally is hard, but holds almost all of the answers we’re aimlessly looking for in friends and books and therapy and influencers and drugs?
Growing up, I hated Albania, but when I left, we had been in a healthy, loving relationship for years. The exploration of my inner self (my name means dolphin, remember?) is part of the reason why I adjusted pretty well to life in a different country, away from everyone I loved besides my partner. Specifically, because I thought a lot about this stuff, which by the way was initially expressed in the insufferable trifecta of teenager, time, and Tumblr, I eventually took ownership and didn’t wait to be given permission to change my life in Albania. I hated Albania on and off for years, but I sure did everything within my power to “be the change I wanted to see in the world.” I went to protests, organized protests, spoke up, created a space for vegetarians and vegans in Albania, translated my favorite feminist creator to Albanian to help spread her message, co-created a platform for salary transparency in Albania… I came to Vienna with an open mind. Maybe it works. Maybe it doesn’t. But I absolutely didn’t bring any regrets with me. I never felt like I didn’t try hard enough, which is why I believe my immigration experience has been less complicated than some others’.
In 10 years of writing and almost 200 articles, I’ve talked about our role in the world as it pertains to news, what to do about a system that makes us so angry, social media, context collapse, what gets shared online, and how to help.
- How I handle the news and every bad thing in the world
- What to do when everything’s fucked
- A guide: What to post on social media when something terrible just happened
If you’re struggling with any of those elements, I’d recommend reading the articles above for my in-depth takes.
In this article, I wanted to share a quick mental health tip that has been working wonders for me, one that you can do this weekend on a budget of under $10.
Ready?
Order your favorite drink at your favorite coffee shop. Find a comfortable table to sit in. Put your earphones in. Dedicate the next hour or two to the single task of active listening. Find a long conversation between people who display self-awareness and humility, and aren’t known for “hot takes.” Listen. Take a sip of your coffee. Listen.
I usually get a cold brew, espressos, or an iced latte with oat milk. Earphones that “hug” your ears and are visible to others make it easier for me to be enthralled by the conversation, but you don’t need them.
Recommended podcasts
- On Being with Krista Tippett – With a 20-year archive featuring luminaries like Mary Oliver, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Desmond Tutu, each episode brings a new discovery about the immensity of our lives. Hosted by Krista Tippett.
- Dear Therapists with Lori Gottlieb and Guy Winch – Each week on DEAR THERAPISTS, we invite you to be a fly-on-the-wall in these personal, raw, transformative sessions with everyday people.
- Coaching Real Leaders – Real-life coaching sessions with leaders working to overcome professional challenges.
- Psychology In Seattle – The Psychology in Seattle podcast and YouTube channel’s mission is to attempt to make the world a better place by providing educational and engaging content on psychology, psychotherapy, and culture.
Some damn good conversations
Looking for specific episode suggestions? I got you. Click on any of the links below to hear some of my recent favorite episodes. They made me pause, listen, and reconsider.
Yochi Fisher and Loaay Wattad – On Seeing the Trauma of the Other
This episode emerged from a private gathering in The Hague in the fall of 2024 with a small group of people who live in Israel — both Jewish and Palestinian, Jews and Palestinians who continue to share life. We’re pleased to invite you now to overhear this particular conversation, with the permission of all involved. It centered around the matter of intergenerational trauma and healing — in a land in which the traumas of two peoples are terribly, inextricably intertwined.
David Bornstein – On Our Lives with the News
The theory of change of journalism as it came out of the 20th century, David Bornstein says, is that shining a light on what is going wrong — what is dangerous and dysfunctional, catastrophic or corrupt — will mobilize and lead us to correct it. But this emphasis on the terrible and the extreme, from whichever side of our cultural trenches you inhabit, has helped fuel a paralyzing, dehumanizing fear and the collapse of trust in institutions and in each other. Many of us are turning away from the news altogether. Is that the answer? How to live in this world with this media and retain meaningful, reasonable hope and agency?
Jordan’s Troubled Marriage
This week we’re in session with Jordan, who wants to understand how seeing his parents’ dysfunctional relationship as a child might have contributed to his own marriage ending after only two years.
Kate’s People-Pleasing Trap
This week we’re in session with Kate, who wants to break free from her people-pleasing tendencies. We help her to see how this pattern developed in her family growing up, and how to start prioritizing her own feelings and needs with her parents and brother now that she’s an adult.
Wendy’s Ruptured Friendship
This week we’re in session with Wendy, who wonders whether a childhood friendship is worth saving after some conflict. We help her to move out of her comfort zone and tendency toward avoidance by opening up some difficult conversations she’s never had before–not just with her friend, but also with her husband.
Am I C-Suite Material?
When she’s passed over for a big promotion, one leader must learn how to reposition her out-of-the-box approach for the C-suite.
How Do I Co-Lead with a Challenging Partner?
His leadership role requires him to co-lead a project with someone he finds challenging to work with. With clashing styles and unclear roles, their partnership feels anything but collaborative. Host Muriel Wilkins coaches him through the root of the power struggle, and guides him toward a more intentional co-leadership path.
Kirk & Humberto Fight & Cry
Dr Kirk and Humberto fight again. Eventually, there’s a true breakthrough.
Why spend an hour listening to someone else’s conversation?
- Active listening trains our attention muscles
- Attention is one of the strongest tools we have against brain rot, AI slop, divisiveness, and relationship ruptures
- Models good conversations (no interruptions, no snark, clarifying instead of assuming)
- Teaches conflict resolution skills
- Moves us away from black and white thinking (“X is bad, Y is good”)
- Makes us consider other people’s viewpoints
- Gives us hope about the future of humanity
If you’re lucky to be surrounded by people who think about you, message you, and care about you and the world that we share, cherish that. Take care of them and yourself. The activity I suggested, my companion to hope, is one way to do that, but there are countless (look into love languages).
Here’s the tip again. Order your favorite drink at your favorite coffee shop. Find a comfortable table to sit in. Put your earphones in. Dedicate the next hour or two to the single task of active listening. Find a long conversation between people who display self-awareness and humility, and aren’t known for “hot takes.” Listen. Take a sip of your coffee. Listen.
Look at this sentence from an article in The New York Times:
But the words he used then sound prophetic today: “The world that surrounds us is filled with conflict — war, religious strife, economic problems.”
These exact words could have been written yesterday, but they were said in 2001 and likely will be said in 2o49 too, about a world filled war and economic hardships. The world that surrounds us is interesting phrasing, isn’t it? We are the world, the world isn’t this separate entity in a faraway land.
“When asked simple questions about global trends―what percentage of the world’s population live in poverty; why the world’s population is increasing; how many girls finish school―we systematically get the answers wrong. So wrong that a chimpanzee choosing answers at random will consistently outguess teachers, journalists, Nobel laureates, and investment bankers.”
The quote above is from one of my favorite books, Factfulness, the premise of which is that the world, for all its imperfections, is in a much better state than we might think and in a much better state than it was 100 years ago.
Years ago, I spent one of my mornings in New York inhaling everything published online by the feminist author I mentioned translating earlier. I spent hours in a coffee shop, listening to and reading her content. I asked, “Is the water this way or that way?” and the universe answered. All I had to do was pay attention.
Let me know if you try my tip and feel free to share your own below. Remember:
The future belongs to those who give the next generation reason for hope.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Thank you for your writings. I always find them interesting and thought provoking. I will read more in depth as time permits. My journey for several years has been living life in the present and being my “best self” for humanity in general.