Particles

  • What is good work? I believe it consists of hard work and integrity.
  • I hate ungrateful/condescending asses
  • Gotta be careful with your definitions of sacrifice and compromise… you’re losing more than you’re winning
  • “Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare think. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow”
  • Do you see the moon? Umm only 1/4th of it (someone who has no idea how moon cycles work)
  • Octopuses have 3 hearts
  • Earth worms have 5!
  • “For better and for always!”
  • Steve Jobs’ quote about how thinking of death was his #1 tool for decision making
  • Irony
  • ūüé∂ Ironic – Alanis Morrisete¬†ūüé∂
  • ¬†Flamingos are out of this world pretty
  • It was my dad’s birthday yesterday, I love him
  • Take the bitter with the better
  • Responsible people/decency being portrayed as boring is lazy screenwriting (:
  • I’m always uncomfortable with working/writing when I have people walking around behind my back
  • Say goodbye for a while, if it’s meant to be… Life’s too long, too short, long term good decisions matter!

This was just a glimpse into my mind, hope you enjoyed. Hug a loved one hard for me!

Photo by John-Mark Smith on Unsplash

This Week I Want

Hello world, what are you wishing for this new week?

*insert example 1,2, and 3 for what someone would wish for here*

I’ve been in a state of bliss. All I’m wishing for right now is that I could put it all out there without feeling the need to spill my heart out. I want to write a few words, insert a joke here and there, a reference or two about new studies, or studies that have already been referenced hundreds of times. And, wrap it all up with: what it all means. What my point was. The feeling that I wanted to convey.

The only things that help are time and practice. If I have time, what’s been on my mind, heart, conversations, newsletters and on my BPS Digest push notifications, all come together beautifully in a post. If I practice, it all comes together in my head.

So, tonight I hope for easiness. To say it all, mean it all, and not be so intertwined with these fucking words that I have to die and be born again with each sentence for me to feel something about it.

I am not these words and stories, they are not me. It is not that deep. I should write like I speak, say what I feel, speak what I know. I should be fine, so should my writing.

Tonight, I hope that tomorrow I remember.

I can write, make it good, without breaking my own heart. That every sentence doesn’t have to be intertwined with so much happiness or so much heartbreak. That it just has to BE.

Protesting: IPV, Men, Lies

Today I was at the protest. I was praying for that girl’s soul, her bravery for coming out about being raped and abused and dehumanized by the son of one of our MPs.

I clapped when your name was called, thinking you were the Albanian Dr. Ford, almost hoping this would open the same conversation for us. #MeToo, her too, so many of us TOO.

MP’s son was in jail too, so many of us on the right side of history! I was there, overwhelmed by positive feelings I didn’t put into words, and by negative feelings that I did:

  • Your performative allyship makes me SICK. You get out there and try to take the perfect picture of your palm, where you‚Äôve written I AM HER, thinking that will be enough.
  • You get out there to speak on behalf of our country, but unlike all the women in front of you, Kanavaugh-style you scream, you yell, you throw a tantrum. No, you don’t represent us. We won’t accommodate you. When you get off stage, you’re not that angry at all. This is all for show, and it’s painfully obvious when you pay just a bit attention.
  • You just smile and laugh. Is this funny to you?
  • You say “You might think we’re here to protest violence against women. No, this is political.”
  • You’re here as one of the hundreds of cameraMEN, you’re just doing your job, unclear as to why you’re here or why this is needed, you tell your (female) friends oh yeah violence against women, hah, all women need, is some dick, your female friends giggle, say you said it, we didn‚Äôt. They want to protest their rights, but not that much that they’re seen as Angry Feminists. So they agree with you, losing yet another tiny battle. You carry on, playing poker on your phone, smug face and all- you sure showed them. Mansplaining gender-based violence is one of your all-time favorite activities.
  • A woman says was this is it? she can’t wait for it to be over. She’s never been ~oppressed~, she can’t understand what the fuss is about.
  • Someone says wow, look at that woman, she’s SO pregnant, look at her, another says to a couple why have you brought your baby here?!

So many people seem to not understand and yet, they’re here. Unknowingly, unwillingly, cluelessly. And this is how you stay stagnant, moj Shqipni e mjera Shqipni.

Update: She denied everything. I’m too angry, too hurt, too heartbroken to talk more about it. So here’s a tweet.

tweet

sign with quote

Why Am I Like this- (Not) Saying No

Sometimes, you struggle with writing ideas, sometimes the stories present themselves just as you’re about to sit down and write.

Today, I¬†don’t¬†want to talk about how I can’t seem to say NO to people I don’t know.
My worst nightmare consists of me being rude to others (now that I think about it I saw a bunch of terrible creatures in my dream last night, they wouldn’t stop showing up all over the place, and I wasn’t worried at all, but they probably were ~the stuff nightmares are made of~). A nightmare could be me being rude to¬†those¬†creatures.
Anyway, kinda proud of dream me, she handled it so well, 0 freaking out, maximum¬†efficiency¬†who is sheee. Imagine having to explain¬†Internet¬†humor like¬†who is sheee¬†to people, that’d create the ultimate fictional nightmare.
As I was saying, I hate¬†unnecessary¬†rudeness (like it’s ever a necessity, but you know).
However, now I’m at a place I didn’t want to be because I couldn’t just say nah¬†I’m good. I don’t mean that metaphorically.
I wanted to get some work done by the beach, looking at the waves, a light breeze on my hair…
Now I’m at this basement bar, sort of, hearing the people who work here trying to prove who’s the least dumb thus more deserving of my attention, WiFi isn’t even working so can’t get much work done and now I’m¬†complaining¬†about something that is my fault. I couldn’t stay outside because there’s no cord outlet for my uncharged PC, and I could’ve easily gone to one of the 50 other bars close by that have outlets outside. But no. The waiter said you can stay inside, stay inside, inside, there’s a cord outlet inside.
I hesitated for a second, then he reiterated, inside. I was defeated.
Can’t wait to tell my friends, who will roast me about it for days. I can already hear it “you tell us NO all the fucking time and you can’t tell a guy you’ve never and will never see again you don’t want to sit there?”
They roasted me last time we were at the beach for a similar occurrence. I had some stomach issues and my mum, despite being miles away, convinced me to get some medication. The one we always get for stomach issues. After walking for so long, I finally found a pharmacy. I only needed that kind of medication, I knew the name and the quantity and felt assured I’d be fine afterward, as I always do.
I got out of the pharmacy pissed, and with a shitload of pills and whatnot with me, despite saying NO, I don’t need that! Or that!¬†very clearly, several times. She just kept insisting yes, you do, this went on for about 2 minutes until I caved in.
I know, I’m weak, and natural selection will take care of me sooner rather than later.
I’m sure a lot of people have done plenty of research on the matter and written amazing books and articles on how to fucking deal. It’s definitely not a serious issue at all at the moment for me to be legitimately worried, and I have faith I’ll figure it out with no outside help. If anything, it’s funny.
Growing up, I was on the opposite side of the kindness spectrum. Maybe I’m making up for old times with the extra YES-es?
I like to think of it that way. As anything, it’s a journey.
Since I’d feel bad for making you read 600 words (so far) without offering any sort of CTA/resolution besides it be like that sometimes, here it is,¬†the secret to success.¬†Not clickbait.
Thanks for reading!
Journal on a bus

Falling in Love Every Day

“Don’t take it personally.” Maybe someone hexed me, but last time I took something personally (from people I don’t know that well) was 12 years ago. Whoever hexed me, thank you. Or is it you, FBI man, who allowed me to see clearly by what you chose to show me and what you didn’t? Do I have you to thank? My voodoo doll being treated way too well by whoever controls her?

Okay, maybe it’s not a double-digit number since, but definitely a long time since I gave a fuck about someone being snarky or petty. The more I grow, the more I see such displays as cries for help. Sometimes I get involved, sometimes I steer clear. Hurt people hurt people, and I no longer consider myself selfish for putting myself first. I don’t even consider selfish a bad word, fight me. As my newest obsession Young M.A¬†said, I’m selfish, no question.

What else, what else?

To All The People I’ve Loved Until I Got Off The Bus

I don’t usually take the bus that often because I absolutely love walking, but when I do it’s guaranteed I’ll fall in love with someone during the ride. I create all these scenarios in my head, what they’re like, what they’re going to do once they get home, what makes them smile, their favorite movie, how we’d have such a great time together. Then, I never think of them again. Ah, the joys of platonic love. Now that I think about it, I fall in love when I’m walking too. All the time, I’m falling in and out of love.

I wasn’t trying to create a correlation, but maybe that’s why I can afford the luxury to not take things personally. I know there’s always more just around the corner: people, possibilities, smiles, love. No one’s that irreplaceable, that important as to constantly ruin your mood/day because *they* are in pain and lashing out wherever they get the chance.

I’ll close with two quotes I found recently, that I love. They’re from Naval Ravikant, AngelList founder, spiritual mentor to thousands and overall extremely inspiring figure.

The older the problem, the older the solution. 

A fit body, a calm mind, a house full of love. These things cannot be bought- they must be earned.”

Thanks for reading, D.